With apologies to Paul McCartney ... Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl, but why is she running my country?

As I’ve watched the remarkable events of the past week unfold, the most remarkable was the spectacle of Stephen Harper, hat in hand, tugging his forelock in the general direction of Michaëlle Jean, Mrs. Windsor’s representative in Ottawa.

You’re familiar with Mrs. Windsor? That nice old lady in London with the corgis and the celebrity grandchildren? Her Majesty?

There hasn’t been a lot of talk about the suitability of that exchange; I guess because most of us are relieved that Ms. Jean, a former Radio-Canada reporter with not one iota of experience in governance, just granted the prime minister’s wish, and Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition doesn’t get to run the country, at least not yet.

But why do Mrs. Windsor and her envoy still run the country? Until last week, they have been little more than glorified lawn ornaments. Inviting them to your charity garden party adds instant class. But what if Ms. Jean, who probably doesn’t like Mr. Harper any more than Mr. Harper likes her, had decided to give the reins of power to Stéphane Dion and the balance of power to Chief Blochead Gilles Duceppe?

For one thing, we’d hear a lot more squawking about how it’s time to end this outdated ridiculous subservience to Prince Charles’ Mom. Instead, a grateful nation has decided to put aside any qualms about Ms. Jean, her former French citizenship, her rumoured separatist leanings, her absurd appointment as the Queen’s representative, never mind the innate, fundamental absurdity of the Queen herself.

So what happens in January if Her Majesty’s Loyal Etc. try to stick it to Stephen one more time? Back he goes, gripping his forelock, to visit Ms. Jean, and she informs him that “we are not amused,” and turns the government over to Michael or Rae and their little dog Jack? She can do that! She’s Mrs. Windsor’s envoy. Mrs. Windsor runs the country!

I simply can’t believe we’re still letting this happen. Here’s what we need to do. Immediately, as a nation, we should grow up.

Then, we should send Ms. Jean back to Radio-Canada, tell Mrs. Windsor that it’s time to retire as the Queen of Canada; thanks for the memories. Then we elect a president at large (as everyone mistakenly believes they vote for the prime minister anyway), while preserving the parliamentary democracy that we’ve come to know and love.

We do this through proportional representation, so we get the parties and the policies we want exactly in proportion to the popular vote. Now that’s democracy.

And God Save Mrs. Windsor for another day.