Tackling 'sex addiction'

I wonder how David Duchovny’s doing in rehab. As you no doubt know by now, the former X Files star and husband of actress Téa Leoni checked himself into rehab for “sexual addiction” at the end of August. No word on how he’s doing but you have to wonder.

When one goes into rehab for alcohol or drug addiction, they don’t generally let you bring in a flask or a joint or two for when the temptation gets to be too much. But, what do they do when a so-called sex addict feels the urge. Keep his hands tied behind his back?

Frankly, the whole idea of “sex addiction” is problematic.

If you treat sex addictions like, say, alcohol addiction, that is, if you are exposed to sex, you won’t be able to control yourself, does that mean you have to stop having sex?

Even Sexaholics Anonymous — an organization that tackles “sex addiction” with the same 12-step approach it applies to Drug or Alcohol addiction — struggles with this.

In AA, total abstinence is the goal. Since swearing off sex for the rest of their life is a little more difficult, SA allows its members to have sex but only within marriage. Which is no doubt good news for Téa but I don’t quite get the logic that you won’t lose control as long as you only have sex with a husband or wife.

Categorizing people with overly active carnal glands has always been a nuisance to our society.

According to Carol Groneman, author of Nymphomania: A History (2000), nymphomania was first described in 1771 and symptoms included “dwelling on impure thoughts, reading novels, eating too much chocolate and indulging in secret pollutions” (i.e., masturbating).

In the first Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (more commonly referred to as the DSM, the psychiatrist’s go-to guide to insanity), nymphomania and its male counterpart Don Juanism (guys always get sexier labels), were listed as “sexual deviations.” By 1980, they were downgraded to “psychosexual disorders” and, in 1987, they were dropped entirely and replaced with “sexual addiction.” The 1994 version nixed this and that’s how it remains today.

Obviously, if you’re preoccupied with or having sex so much that it’s messing with your life or hurting your relationship, you should get some help.

I’m just not convinced you’re an addict.

There are tons of things we do as humans to excess that aren’t good for us —- eat, surf the net, follow Britney. Personally, I watch waaaay too many Family Guy reruns. Sex, it seems to me, is just one of many appetite-related activities we have to learn to enjoy in a moderate and healthy way.

And, ultimately, excess is subjective. As famous sex research pioneer Alfred Kinsey once said: a nymphomaniac is “someone who has more sex than you do.”

– Josey Vogels is a sex and relationship columnist and author of five books on the subjects. For more info, visit www.joseyvogels.com.