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Vicky Mochama: The voice of Metro News.

Quoth the millennial, never mortgage: Vicky Mochama

An ode to abandoning the concept of home ownership.

The Canadian Press

Once upon an evening dreary, while I scrolled, eyes wide and bleary
Over many an article of millennial money tips,
While I panicked, racking up tabs, suddenly there came pop-up ads
(as if someone had found a way, a way to give my ad-block the slip).
“A bank,” I fumed, “thinks I can afford a mortgage and cruise ship trips,
when my dinner tonight is a bag of chips.”

Oh, surely the banks would know that is not where my cash will go.
They are privy to the outlook of the market with all its highs and dips:
They see the overinflated prices of houses that aren’t even the nicest
As well as how much I spend on fruits and subscription memberships
— All of which should tell the bankers, it’s time to come to grips
with selling fewer home-ownerships.

But as I sat, alert and adrift, peering into a vast penniless future of thrift,
I dreamt of a world of money as rare as Canadian teams winning championships
Where investments such as I have made are valued like a mortgage paid.
This would mean the vast array of scrubs and sticks solely for my lips
Are funded by lines of credit and can be used in trade at car dealerships.
Or hell, even a timeshare on some airships.

In this wondrous place, a millennial might even find a home-like space
Or, barring that wild ambition, put money down on some fish and chips                 ’cause these days, extra tartar sauce means a statement of profit and loss.
To be sure, for young people buying a home, I have no tricks and tips
Except to say that with a lot of savings and more financial snips…
…it might not matter come the apocalypse?


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