Vicky Mochama: The voice of Metro News.
Vicky Mochama: Can we really trust the cartoons trying to breach our borders?
Charlie Brown and Strawberry Shortcake claim to be eight and six years old, respectively. What would our immigration officials make of that bogus claim?
|Report an Error|
Share via Email
For $345 million US, Canadian company DHX Media bought iconic cartoons Peanuts and Strawberry Shortcake.
While some have suggested the cartoon children’s exodus is related to Trump, that’s purely coincidental.
But there is reason to believe their application for Canadian citizenship may be fraudulent.
While only adults face formal interviews, Charlie Brown and Strawberry Shortcake are suspect.
Although Mr. Brown is nearly 69 years old and Ms. Shortcake is 38, they claim to be eight and six. On these grounds, immigration officials sat down with the applicants.
Here is a snippet of the conversation:
Interviewer: What are your reasons for moving to Canada?
C. Brown: It can be hard for a bald kid to make it in America. In Canada, anyone can kick a football or fly a kite.
Interviewer: What do you say to reports that you are being paid to move here?
S. Shortcake: That is berry much none of your business!
Interviewer: Have you ever been affiliated with any terrorist or secessionist groups?
C. Brown: To some, Linus’ obsession with the Great Pumpkin might come off as fundamentalist in nature, but I assure you it’s a childish obsession.
Interviewer: What is the nature of your relationship?
S. Shortcake: Let’s just say someone is berry into girls with red hair.
Interviewer: How much do you know about Canadian history?
C. Brown: Mrs. Othmar may have mentioned something, but she’s so difficult to hear.
Interviewer: How do you plan to support yourself while in Canada?
C. Brown: I have decades of experience as a baseball team manager. I’ll be consulting for the Toronto Blue Jays.
Interviewer: One of your co-applicants, a Ms. Lucy van Pelt, says the team only wins when you’re not there?
C. Brown: Yes, the team has asked that I not attend any games.
Interviewer: And you, Ms. Shortcake?
S. Shortcake: There’s a berry big opportunity in the strawberry industry! Canadian strawberry production has decreased but domestic consumption has increased! Imports are berry big business!
Interviewer: Do you have any friends or family in Canada that will be helping you settle in?
C. Brown: My good friend Caillou has kindly offered us a place to stay.
S. Shortcake: We’ll see about that. No one likes him. Even you don’t like him.
File notes: Both applicants were unwilling to confirm their ages. Mr. Brown insisted they're simply “mature for our age.”
Since they appear to be children, however, their application is approved.