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Vicky Mochama: Why stop at Ocean's Eleven? Bring on more all-women reboots

There are so many films that could use a gendered re-imagining. To the powers that be, I humbly request this of the following films.

A dream cast for the next Fast and the Furious flick: Lupita Nyong'o and Betty White.

Photo Illustration by Andres Plana / Handout and Getty Images

A dream cast for the next Fast and the Furious flick: Lupita Nyong'o and Betty White.

While watching the trailer for the all-female reboot of the Ocean’s Eleven film, I couldn’t help thinking of all the other franchises that need a similar casting. (I also couldn’t help thinking that Rihanna should have been the star.)

I am a big fan of the Fast and the Furious film franchise. It is one of the greatest series to contribute to the cinematic arts because: Cars. You know cars? They go fast. Instant five stars.

But for me, it’s been missing something. Though there have been great women in its pantheon of stars (shout out to Michelle Rodriguez, Eva Mendes and Rhonda Rousey), it would be a perfect film series if all the heroic car drivers and villainous car drivers were women.

Just imagine it: an ex-convict, Lupita Nyong’o, runs a crew of late-night women drag racers who come under investigation by an undercover police officer played by Betty White. An epic 16-year long emotional hijink ensues — except for one film that we could do without.

It would be an inspiration to young girls that they too can go vrooooom.

It’s not just the world of high-gloss crime that needs an all-female touch. There are so many films that could use a gendered re-imagining. To the powers that be (mainly Rihanna), I humbly request an all-women reboot of the following films:

Cinderella, without any of that prince nonsense. Imagine being liberated from your horrid family only to end up as a handmaiden to some guy.

Snow White, except the dwarfs are just a really positive book club group/queer commune and they call stepmother in on her gendered hate. “Sis, prettiness is a tool used to divide women, and also you’re a babe on your own merits,” says Bashful (who got that name early and affectionately but has learned there’s a difference between shame and quiet confidence). Moving stuff.

Dirty Dancing, for personal reasons that I don’t have to explain to anyone.

Wall Street, for your Lean In-inspired feminists.

Sideways, but they just have a great wine tour with none of that tortured male weirdness.

All the President’s Men, but, all the president’s men are women and so is the president, but it’s fine and no one is corrupt. A female presidency would end corruption, thank you, no more questions. 

I could go on.

If Hollywood is determined to tell us the same stories, I think it’s great that they’re letting women tell us. After decades of men being heroes and male stories leading the culture, it’s time to put a woman in Indiana Jones’ hat.

Now to wait for an all-female reboot of politics.

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